Thursday, June 11, 2009

Marital Problems

Not me. Not us.

Our friends.

Actually, several of our friends.

This makes me so sad.

I do not know how to help. I always want to 'fix' problems and there are things happening that are a) none of my business and b) I can't do anything about.

I do not have a perfect marriage. Who does? But we do not have many of the issues that so many other couples have.

We do not fight about money. Hubs makes the money (I make some) and I take care of it. (I'll admit that I could do a better using more coupons, not dining out and being a smidge less impulsive...but our bills are always paid on time and we are accomplishing more now than we have ever been able to do...big blessings!) We discuss purchases. We do not hide money from each other in separate accounts. It's not 'his' and 'hers''s 'ours'. I am no less valuable because I don't bring home as much as he does.

We do not belittle each other. With the exception of the occasional playful name-calling, because we're both goober doofuses, we do not beat each other up with words. It's so harmful, people. We are usually the first to point out our own flaws and then it just becomes a joke....but we don't put each other down.

We do not have a communication problem. We talk. And we have always been talkers. We check on each other during the day. (which has become super easy since we turned 12 and started texting!) We respect each other's schedules. We talk about our plans for the week just to keep the other in the know. When we fuss, we discuss. It's not always pretty; we know how to get stupid...but it doesn't last long and making up is fun. :)

What we do or try to do:

- Love God

- Go to church/teach together

- Share housework

- Laugh

- Support one another

- Care for each other when ill

- Respect each other

- Parent together

- Show our children loving parents

- Keep each other happy...

I wish I could help my friends. Satan has them in a tight grip. Some of them love money...and all that it can buy...but it cannot buy a happy marriage. Some of them do not know how to communicate without fighting/belittling. They don't love anymore. There is no affection. They don't put each other first.

Again, let me say, my marriage is not perfect either. We get lazy and forget about each other's needs sometimes. One of us may get in a bad mood and it causes dysfunction...but we work things out so that we are on the same page.

That 'page' is called a 'Marriage License.'

That 'page' is called a vow before God.

That makes us a team and we must play nice to stay in the game.

I love my husband and he loves me.



Anonymous said...

Amen sister!
It hurts when others are going thru problems that we ourselves cannot fix (esp. when we know how to help) We had some friends recently go thru a divorce, no pretty, esp. with children involved.
We are very blessed to have wonderful husbands.

Laura Matthews said...

So true! Thanks for the good reminder today!
Oh, and I have NOT forgotten about calling and you and secondly, have ya noticed how much mortgage rates are up in the last few weeks???!!! It's insane and a big hit as far as affordability goes. Gah! Oh well...

rthling said...

I know just what you mean.
It is always a shock when one of my married friend couples gets divorced. It makes me look at my own marriage, and thank God that He has brought us so far.

ToolSmartz said...

You have no idea how much I thank God for putting you two spite of me. :-)

Ya'll are an inspiration to others.


Are You Serious! said...

♥ If anyone says they have a perfect marriage they're hiding something... Like you said no marriage is perfect and EVERY marriage take work a LOT of work and all of your points are exactly true! I think it helps a ton to have a shared religion... huge help! :)

Becky said...

The way I see it, if your marriage can make it through a long, drawn-out house on the market experience, you can probably make it through anything. ANd that piece of paper combined with the vow made before God and family definitely holds the seams together!

Living on the Spit said...

Wonderful post and you are so right...I hope this can offer so food for thought for so many!!!

mary said...

that was a great post. My hubby and I have a great and blessed marriage but it is work. Every day you have to work at it. but the pay off is wonderful. And divorce is not an option so it makes it much easier to find a solution, and much quicker.

Oh Dear said...

I am studying the 10 commandments and am reminded that it could be any of us. Satan prowls around like a lion seeking to destroy.

Anonymous said...

"since we turned 12 and started texting" Ha!

But seriously, excellent points. It does hurt when you see people you care about making poor choices. It always makes me sad when people look at me funny when I say that being with T is the best part of my day. What blessings we humans deprive ourselves of.

Debbie said...

Amen, Sista!

purejoy said...

amen! well said.
and it's so important for your kids to see affection between a husband and wife. even if they say eeeewwww!! it's a great thing to model.
have a blessed day (and marriage!)

Sara said...

Love God

Marital problems are everywhere. Some of my friends hide it very well in the dark corners of their home and some are open about it, however, I am running into more and more people who don't want to do anything about it.

They might not know how, but nevertheless, not a reason to give up. You know the problems Brian and I have gone through and we've stood by the committment to love eachother like crazy every day.

We understand we're imperfect, but who isn't?! We pray every day. We laugh every day. We keep our guards up to Satan's attack.

Tina, you're in a hard place trying to minister to your friends and if you ever want to talk PLEASE call or email me. I've been MIA since I left to TX for vacation, but I'll be home next week.

JMBMOMMY said...

Satan is very much ready to devour--and not doubt he targets marriages and families.

It has been so hard to see close friends of mine struggle and divorce or remain in very unhealthy situations.

I am so thankful for my marriage and my husband. I know it is a blessing!